Don't Make Me Come Back There
by Michael Gallant

Hello all. Welcome to this Holiday Season edition of QM.

As this issue neatly straddles Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukha, Ramadan, and New Years, I thought it appropriate to dedicate this editorial to the spirit of those celebrations.

First, a belated Thanksgiving toast.

We, the editorial staff of QM, are thankful for our Web Goddess, who makes us look presentable. It is a testament to her skill that you don't realize how difficult a job this is.

We are thankful for our devoted fans. Both of you. Your interest and feedback give us the motivation to go on when the slush pile looks ugly, deadlines loom and the beer gets warm. Without your patronage, there wouldn't be a point in going on.

We are thankful for our contributors. We were running low on stuff to post before you came along. It was going to be dirty limericks and lawyer jokes after the second month. Oh yeah, and Night and Day, but we chain Ray to a desk in the galley and make him write an episode before cocktail hour. As contributors, you have the courage to put you creations on stage for the entertainment of our readers. Your words have amused and enlightened us, and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your submissions are the real fuel for the zine, despite what the local brewery thinks.

We are thankful for the Internet, self publishing, and the state liquor commission.

And to wrap up, we are thankful for The Bill of Rights, which grants us the freedom to assemble, and to write and post this stuff.

And now, I move on to Christmas. As all good gentiles know, the true message of Christmas is "What did you get me?"

Our gift to you is another issue filled with truly excellent stories. And we don't mean to be insensitive. Our Jewish friends can read one story a night for eight nights, instead of the massive, day long orgy of materialism we goyim favor. For those of you who celebrate Ramadan, it's something to read to take your mind off the fasting. If you celebrate Kwanza, just try to see which stories best exemplify which principles. If you celebrate Yule, you can dance naked around the monitor while you read this issue. Do it inside though, there are places frostbite shouldn't be.

And finally, those who feel that this materialism has made a sham of the great spiritual foundation of this holiday season, just tell yourselves it's the same gift you get every month. We're not blasphemous, we're generous!

Or you could just lighten the Hell up.

That brings me to what we want for Christmas.

It seems that we are entering an era of knee-jerk offended and intolerant reaction to damn near any form of expression. ‘Tis the season of protest of Nativity scenes on public property, of Santa versus Jesus, the Almighty Retail Dollar versus the Almighty. This is merely an annual irritation, but life in general seems moving toward the tendency to protest anything that offends one's own personal views.

I cannot overemphasize the damage this does to our free expression. It's not just whiny and annoying, it's treasonous.

West Side Story is being banned from school stages, and worse yet, Darwin from the classrooms. Kevin Smith's brilliant comedy Dogma was dropped by Mirimax after an onslaught by zealots who hadn't even seen it, but were sure that God Wouldn't Like It. New York mayor Rudy Giuliani is running around like a spastic clone of Hitler on a book burning spree with a Brooklyn accent, trying to ban anything that might offend somebody who'll vote in the 2000 Senate race. We, our humble selves, at QM are under constant assault for being a bunch of loud offensive drunks.

Ok, ok, the police have to do that, it's their job. We've come to appreciate the playful give and take with the gendarmerie. Tim (our designated driver) is running out of excuses and bail money, though. But the rest of you can surf your tight-assed Puritan butts elsewhere if you don't like what you see.

So you see, this is not merely an annoyance. Freedom of speech is endangered. And if it falls, we will have killed it by our whining and indifference.

So, to paraphrase my dear old dad when he would lovingly remark during long trips to the relatives (yet another holiday tradition) "Settle down or I'll pull this ezine over to the side of the information superhighway right now and whale the tar outta ya!"

While I never pressed the issue, I assume that having the tar whaled out of one would be unpleasant.

So, as a gift to us, we would like you to spare a little tolerance for views that you may not share. Give them a shot (or a pint), they may have some insight.

For those of you who are already open minded, you can just buy a damn mug or shirt as a gift so we can get the bookie off our backs.

Happy Holidays from the gang at Quantum Muse!

| Home | Alternative | Fantasy | Science Fiction | Artwork | Editorial | Submissions |
| Discussion Board | News | Recommended | Merchandise | About Us | Links | Webrings | Archives |