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Make Mine a Double, Please
by The Web Goddess

A dedicated test subject

Scientists in Iowa think a little drinking and driving would be a good thing. That is, a good way to find out more behind what really goes on when someone drinks alcohol and gets behind the wheel.

Why didn't they just ask me or some of my friends? I could have saved the tax payers $5.1 million (the cost of the three year study).

Of course, if I told them, then I'd have missed out on the free booze and the chance to play the most state of the art driving simulation game ever. High resolution, 360 degree 3-D wrap-around drunken driving. My idea of a fun evening! Yeah, sure, I'll pitch in my million or so for that!

In any case, the scientists claim there is much they don't actually know about drinking and driving, despite that it's still, tragically, an all too common occurrence.

Well, duh! They're scientists! How many science geeks did you know in school were also the life of your dorm party?

Initial animal testing wasn't too helpful

Still, hats off to those zany, brainy nerds who found a way to convince the Highway Department that more "study" is needed in this area. The bastards found a way to drink, play video games AND get paid for it!

All joking aside, I feel drunk drivers deserve to be shot in the back of the head, along with any lawyer or judge who lets them off easy. I'm all for boozing it up, but there's never any excuse to get behind the wheel afterwards.

I don't know what this study is trying to figure out exactly, but I'm fairly sure it's going to tell most of us what we already know - don't drink and drive. Now, where's my $5.1 million?

Read the actual news article here. (Off-site)

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Editor's Note: Yes, we know it's cheating to reprint the same article from Boot to the Head.com, but we own both zines and we just don't care.

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