The Year In Review
by The Web Goddess

As I'm nursing my third zucchini daiquiri, I muse ponderously upon the year 2001. What I'm left with is something akin to that leftover taste one gets after listening to Al Sharpton on a mescaline bender. It starts out horrifying and you end up numb. Come join me on what's sure to be billed as the worst year-in-review ever written...

The political year started out somewhat ok. We had some fun with the pre-election presidential race. John McCain tripped and fell over the Republican lame duck's right wing. George W. had trouble with his pronoucifications. Al Gore put on his android head labeled "Unit-6 Smiley Face" and Ralph Nader made Al look like Jessie Helms. And then things got really exciting. From Florida's inability to count, we got a President incapable of coherent English.

Then we can skip right on over to September 11th. This made Bush's plan to rape Alaska for oil like a romantic honeymoon on the Riviera. The only good I can see that came out of this experience is it has rekindled a lost spirit of patriotism and unity. Our nation bird is the eagle, but in this instance, it should be the Phoenix. Consumed by fire and death, only to be reborn stronger and brighter than it once was.

In the entertainment world, we have finally broken through the "suck" barrier that plagues fantasy movies. Monster's Inc., Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings has finally given some credibility the fantasy genre. Oh Lord, but the year didn't start out that way! Dungeons and Dragons was the biggest waste of celluloid I'd ever had the misfortune to watch. Final Fantasy and Laura Croft were good runner-ups in the "Die, Director, die!" categories. Thankfully LotR and Harry Potty have given us the yard stick to which all future fantasy writers, directors and producers will be beaten savagely with if they even think for one second that "He-Man - The Movie" is a good idea.

The year in science has been tremendous. It could actually be miraculous if religion were to be wiped from the face of the Earth. Stem cell research, cloning and other previously Azimovian concepts have turned into reality. Cures for aids, cancer and maybe even John Ashcroft are soon to be discovered.

Well, I can tell you that this Goddess is glad to see 2001 take a hike. It had it's few moments of goodness, but mostly it was one of those years that should have been put to sleep after January 3rd or so. So I say Hail to 2002! May the Muse find you attractive even after Her buzz wears off. Cheers!

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