Editor on the Run, Part III
by Raymond M. Coulombe
Read Part I here, Read Part II here, Read Part IV here

No room at the inn. Traveling is a learning experience. We learned camping is a popular activity in Florida during Thanksgiving. It's so popular that the sign at the road leading to Manatee Springs State Park said "campground full." We ignore such signs. Lucky for us. They had a sudden opening. We didn't even have to sleep in a stable. And no, I didn't slip into the park and persuade someone to leave -for their health.

We set up camp and made it down to the springs, just in time to catch the manatees. The big critters swim up from the Suwannee River into the springs. Sharks leave them alone. Alligators don't bother them. They are big gentle vegetarians. Their one enemy is man, so they are in serious danger of dying out. Only a few thousand are left. Mostly, we don't even mean to kill them. Powerboats run them over. Propellers cut them, but even worse, boat collisions knock them out. If they don't regain consciousness within twenty minutes, they drown. I hate to go on about this, but it's really cool to canoe among manatees. I'd like other generations to know how cool it is.

Alligators, on the other hand, have made a spectacular comeback. Strange, really, to see our conservation success is with critters that can and will eat you. To be fair, the handful of people killed each year usually have done something really really dumb. As the saying goes, when fighting off an alligator, first put down your beer. Sure gators are faster and stronger than people, but wouldn't it be embarrassing to get killed by something with a walnut sized brain? Is that dumb, or what?

Our only real difficulty canoeing in gator country was the dog. Gators love to eat dogs. One or two chomps, and all that's left is the leash. Our dog wanted to see what all the action in the water was. Dumb dog. We did do a 180 on the Little Manatee River, as it's a river so small that a largish alligator pretty much could fill it, and it did. (The Little Manatee River is quite a few miles south of Manatee Springs. A lot of things in Florida have manatee in their name. let's hope the names don't outlast the critters.)

Further south, we checked out the mangrove swamps. Science fiction writers should travel and see some of the weird life on this planet. Mangroves qualify as weird. They thrive in salt and brackish water, produce no flowers or seeds, and propagate by dropping pods that are basically little complete trees. The common red mangrove has roots dropping down from their branches, creating a tangled mess. That tangled mess becomes the base of a whole ecology. The trees form biologically rich ecosystems. All that icky muck becomes the home for some of the worlds most beautiful birds. Well, also things like spiders and snakes, but I think they are cool too.

Then there is the Everglades, pretty darn big, but once much bigger. I stopped taking pictures in the Everglades. There was no way that the immensity of the place could fit into a teeny tiny camera. Some places are like that. Really should have taken photos of the panther crossing signs, though.

People live in the Everglades. The Seminole escaped relocation efforts (Trail of Tears, anyone?) by fleeing into the swamp. Three devastating wars were fought between US troops and the Seminole. Finally, orders came down to retreat to Ft. Myers and await further instructions. For all I know, those troops are still waiting. No peace treaty was ever signed. I like that. The Seminole are smart enough to see that no US treaty with the natives has ever been kept. I love successful rebels. When traveling through the Everglades, we were respectful, as we were in another country hostile to the US. Of course, everyone has come to some sort of understanding There is a casino in the middle of the Evergales now, to better scalp the white man. We drove on past.

Less respectful of the Everglades are all those new developments in what was once swamp. Now there is some weird stuff on planet Florida, but the most disturbing is all those retirement communities. Picture tall gates walling in "Adult Communities." Now at first, I thought "Adult Community" was like "Adult Bookstore" or "Adult Movie." I had visions of wild hedonistic goings on behind those walls. Turns out, to my disappointment, that those walls are to keep out young people. Weird. Scary even.

After crossing the swamp, we turned south, to the Keys. It's easy to fall in love with the keys. Sure, parts of them are tacky tourist traps, but other parts are actual communities. People live there, they don't just work ripping off the tourists. Well, they do that too. Early December is sort of the off season in the Keys. That's not to say things were quiet, they weren't. What they were was a bit more in our budget.

My lovely wife was taken with Key Largo. She's a Bogart fan. Camping at a private beach wasn't bad either. Swimming in gin clear water wasn't too awful. Drinking beer at the marina watching the sun set into the Gulf was pretty good too, now that I think about it. Key Largo goes on the list of places to return to.

Route 1 has a mile 0 sign -just struck me as weird. Key West really is the end of the line, unless one takes a boat. We happened to arrive the night of the Key West Christmas parade. It's a parade much like any small town parade, except with a more Caribbean feel to it. It had the usual, Santa, reindeer, floats by civic and church groups. This being Key West, it also had the unusual, pirates, jugglers, dancing girls, transvestites, gays, and anti-war protesters. Oh yeah, Santa rides a Harley.

Key West is more than Duval street, party central. It also has Mallory Square, where every night, street performers cavort.

"Key West, where the men are men . . . and women."

"Key West, where by and large, the women are bi and large."

"Hey mister, is that your wife or is this a business trip?"

"Are you two in love or married?"

Street performers have biting wit. Those lines were not by a comedian, but by a guy who gets tied in a straight jacket, wrapped in chains, and suspended by his ankles. Add in a variety of musicians, a fire breather, a gymnast, a dancer of some sort, and a good variety of hucksters, and you get a bit of a feel for it. In the background cavorted pirate ships, a PT boat, catamarans, and other pleasure craft.

For my personal amusement, a cruise ship, the Viral Queen, was at the dock. Ok, Viral Queen might not have been its name, but it should have been. It must be a huge disappointment to pay big bucks for a cruise, only to spend your time locked away in a teeny tiny bathroom, trying to turn your guts inside out. Too bad not everyone practices my healthy life style. Alcohol is a good disinfectant, but only if used internally.

Sadly, we had to leave the Keys and truck on north. There was a S/F convention to catch in Philly. (See Philcon Report in this issue). Storms moved in. We were happy to make it across the Seven Mile Bridge without getting blown out to sea. Dodging flooding in Miami, ice storms in the Carolinas, and with nasty weather on our heels, we made it to Philly.

After the convention, we stopped in on two of our daughters living in Rhode Island. It snowed on my canoe there, a bad sign. Back home in New Hampshire, it was below zero Fahrenheit -inside the house. (For our International readers, in centigrade, that's freeze your butt off cold) It took two days to bring the house to a livable temperature and get all systems back on-line.

The holidays were fine, but this is just a timeout. We are accessing what worked, what didn't, what to bring, and what to leave behind. Soon, we'll be back on the road, south to where the rivers don't freeze, the coffee is hot, the drinks cold, and music most excellent. Perhaps we'll meet the ghost of Elvis. (I know, I know, he's not dead.)

I'm searching for better ways to access the Internet while on the road. I welcome feedback from other Internet road warriors. I have a good laptop with built in modem, and a networking card. Occasionally, I was able to tap into high speed networks, but that was pretty rare. Most of the time, I made do with slow connections in public libraries. I'm not opposed to cyber cafe's, but a daily diet of them gets expensive. Keep in mind that we sometimes stay in remote places. I'm currently looking into acoustic modems, at least to get my e-mail. Even state campgrounds have pay phones. Just to make it interesting, my local cell phone providers are too expensive to make Internet surfing cost effective. Not only that, we've camped in areas without cell phone service. Feel free to share your ideas. If you see a green Neon with a canoe on top and a white and blue plywood box sitting on a cargo buddy, invite me to your house to use your connection. E-mail me at sixbears@hotmail.com and we might be able to get together over a warm computer and some cool scotch.

Read Part I here, Read Part II here, Read Part IV here

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