Editors and Sharp Knives
by Raymond M. Coulombe

Two things happened recently. I sent out a huge pile of story rejections and a woman with a sharp knife slit my throat. I don't think those two events are directly related. I just want rejected authors to know I understand how it feels.

I don't like sending out rejections. I've received them. It's never what one wants to hear. In today's editorial I'm peeling the lid off the process so that authors and readers can get a glimpse into the ugly workings of an editor.

Some rejections are easy. They didn't even run the story through their computer's spell checker. Ok, that's not as easy as it seems. I give those a second look, just in case they are using proper spelling for England/Canada/Australia/New Zealand/India, or some other place where English differs from American English. By the way, I'm reasonably comfortable with most of the variants, so you authors won't be able to pull a fast one on me by claiming your story uses proper English for Outer Trashistan. Since we publish speculative fiction, I also make sure the author isn't using his own made up vocabulary. If done well that little trick can actually work. Note to writers: It's really hard to do it well. More often than not, I've seen it done badly.

It's easy to reject bad writing. The best story idea in the world won't survive absolutely horrid writing. After the first badly written paragraph, I've rejected the story. I may read another paragraph or two, but mostly out of disbelief. Occasionally I'll read even more, but it's the fascination of watching a train wreck as it happens right before my eyes. Writing is a craft that can be learned. Even the best writers in the world once wrote badly. Many of them still do.

It's called a first draft. Don't send me your first draft. Probably don't send me your second draft. Don't expect me to do your work. I'm lazy. Almost as lazy as a writer who sends in their first draft.

Passive writing stinks. Notice how direct and forceful that last sentence was. I recommend Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. That nifty little book is a must have for all writers. It contains one the best bits on passive writing I've ever seen. It's short. It's good. It's what I use. It's in our recommended section. Go there. Click on the link. Buy it from Amazon.

Here's something basic that way too many people forget: A story must have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Often I get a submission that is a really well written scene. Nice, but a scene isn't a story. A lot of stories capture my attention, (beginning) hold my attention, (middle) and then they don't really end. (end? Where is the end?). Nothing ticks me off more than a story with good writing, excellent characters, and something that looks a lot like a plot. I read it right up to the so called end. The author may have even, perhaps hopefully, typed in "The End." It doesn't end. The hero is left hanging. Interesting little subplots are left undeveloped. Early actions are revealed to have little or nothing to do with the story. Damn! I hate those stories. The author had me interested and implied a great bang up of a finish. There is no finish. At that point I discover I've wasted part of my life that I'll never see again. That author is a thief. He's stolen my time, and all life is is time. It's another reason why editors drink, not that we really need a reason.

Random pet peeve " . . .and then he woke up." Don't even bother sending me a story that does that. Remember, the submission form asks where you live. I travel a lot.

Here's the part I hate admitting. Sometimes we reject good stories. We get more good ones than we have room to publish. The final decision comes down to the whim of the editor. Maybe I like a story with a similar theme a bit more. Maybe I just published a bunch of a subgenre and feel like a change. The submission, while a good, well written story, may have some element that I personally dislike. There isn't much a writer can do about that, except to keep on plugging. A good writer will eventually get published, somewhere.

I may hold stories a month or two, in the hope we'll have a slow month and there will be room. Eventually, if there is still no room, I have to cut them loose so the author can send the story to other publications. Last year we closed submissions for a few months, just so we could catch up on the backlog. We hope to avoid doing that in the future.

Oh, there's more, a lot more. We went to the trouble of putting together extensive submission guidelines. It's detailed, updated, and we even made it entertaining. Please read them before submitting to Quantum Muse. Read them, but don't despair. (Editor Mike is away, so I'll let you in on a secret) We've published stories that seriously violate a number of our guidelines. It takes a hell of a good story for us to toss out the rule book, but breaking rules comes natural to us. Good writing triumphs over policy.

Oh yeah, about the throat slashing, it was a shallow cut. The bandages are now off. I'm back laboring in the slush pile.

Good luck and good writing.

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