In Defense of the Homeland
by Raymond M. Coulombe

The President of the United States of America wants us, in spite of recent tragedies, to return to our normal life. It is with heavy heart, and only at the insistence of our President, that I return to my normal bitching about the government. I want to be nice and sweet, but dammit, the President wants me to continue in my normal fashion, so who am I to argue?

Where are the heads, the department heads of all the government agencies that were supposed to be watching over our defense? Shouldn't they be rolling around here somewhere? We gave them lots of money, staff, and neato James Bond stuff, but in spite of all the support, they couldn't do their jobs. When a sports team has that kind of season, the coach is canned and the team remade. Should we expect any less from the teams that are suppose to be watching our safety?

The same bunch of politicians and bureaucrats who got us into this mess want a whole new bunch of laws, even though they don't know how to use the ones we already have. They'll get them too, but that's because people are all too ready to trade liberty for security. Old Ben Franklin warned that those who would trade liberty for security would have neither. I love Ben. It's comforting to know at least one of our founding fathers knew how to enjoy a beer and a bouncy girl. I think he had something to do with that pursuit of happiness part of our constitution. I'm not happy that today's politicians are quick to remove those liberties. It seems so, so . . . un-American.

Is it just me, or do the airports look like some kind of third world cesspool with the National Guard and police crawling all over the place? I mean, that's the sort of thing people expect to see in some Allah forsaken Trashistan someplace, not in this country. The irony, and you know I love irony, is that our cities are experiencing a steep increase in crime. Why? It's because the cops are eating their donuts are the airport these days? Police are working double shifts in an attempt to fill some of the gaps, but I don't feel all that much safer knowing the cops are short of sleep, living on caffeine and sugar, and armed. Some of those guys are looking too twitchy for my liking.

The government wants us to cultivate a deep sense of paranoia and keep an eye on our neighbors. No way. I'm not about to do for free the job my taxes pay for. How lazy can those homeland security guys get? I'm too busy pursuing my freedoms to be bothered.

Ok Mr. President, hope you are satisfied; I'm back to normal. What? Don't look at me that way. I'm just exercising my right of free speech, there is no reason to get paranoid. By the way, I also have the right to bear arms. It's right there in the Bill of Rights. Read it sometime.

I'd join the NRA . . . but then my name would be on a list and they'd know where to find me. . .

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