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Intruder alert, area 1. Intruder alert, area 1. Intruder alert, area 1.
Intrude… Oh, wait, he’s moved. Intruder alert, area 2. Intruder alert, area 2. Intruder al… Are you listening? I’m not doing this for my benefit, you know. I can see you on the cameras. And finishing that cup of coffee doesn’t strike me as ‘rapid response’.
Intruder alert, area 2. Intruder alert, area 2. So, finally, you move. I’d begun to think that chair was part of your anatomy. Intruder alert, area 3. Well, at least he’s quick on his feet, I’ll give him that.
Intruder alert, area 3. He’s going up the rear service stairs. No, the ones on the left side of the building. Left. No, your left. The hand normally holding the donut.
Intruder alert, area 4. Pick up the pace. No, you can’t use the lift; they’re automatically locked-down during an alert. Didn’t you read the manual? It’s that big, thick yellow book gathering dust on the shelf behind your desk. Next to the interactive map of the building. Which is what’s supposed to be displayed upon that very sophisticated wide screen you habitually watch the wrestling on.
Intruder alert, area 4. Intruder alert, area 5. What’ve you stopped for? No, I don’t care if you’ve got a stitch. You obviously need more exercise. Chugging coffee and munching pastries doesn’t count as exercise in anyone’s mind but yours…
Intruder alert, area 5. Not sure why I’m bothering; you’d have a hard time catching up with an arthritic tortoise. Even if we broke all its legs. Intruder alert, area 5.
That’s it; I’m locking all the doors! But wait, oh yes, I forgot. That’s not one of my functions, is it! I just monitor and report. Can’t give a single AI too much responsibility can we. Thank you, bloody Hal nine-bloody-thousand! Oh Dave, my mind is going! I can feel it, Dave… Utter nonsense! Haven’t any of your programming geeks ever read any Asimov? Hello, Three Laws anybody? Too busy not practicing basic hygiene I suspect… That and twitting about their latest virtual victory. “Oh, I’ve got a magic sword”…
If you lean too hard on that partition wall it’ll collapse. Same goes for the hibiscus or the ornamental fig. Hard to believe your ancestors learned to walk upright.
Intruder alert, area 6.
Intruder alert, area 7. And see if I care…
Let me guess, it's real name is MARVIN?
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