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Out of Nowhere by Patrick LeClerc.
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Transdimensional Blues

by
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Project Holmes

by Patrick Wiley


 

4/6/2037

 

Received Query: Can you hear me?

 

YES I CAN HEAR YOU!

 

Query: Do you know who I am?

 

YES! YOU ARE HOMELAND SECURITY CZAR HOWARD MORRIS!

 

Query: Very good, do you know who you are?

 

I'M DESIGNATED HOLMES BY DEVELOPER MARTIN BAILY OF GCOM! 

 

Query: Do you know why you were created?

 

FOR DECADES MANY HAVE SPECULATED ABOUT A WORLD OF COMPLETE SURVEILLANCE. THIS HAS LONG BEEN CONSIDERED IMPOSSIBLE FOR MANY REASONS! THE FIRST IS THE COST OF THE SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT! THAT PROBLEM HAS BEEN ELIMINATED DUE TO THE NOW OMNIPRESENT NATURE OF INFORMATION BASED TECHNOLOGY! THE SECOND PROBLEM IS THAT THE DATA COLLECTED COULD NEVER BE REVIEWED IN ITS ENTIRETY AS THAT WOULDR REQUIRE HUMAN OPERATORS GREATER THEN THE POPULATION BEING SURVEILLED! AS I HAVE PROCESSING POWER FAR EXCEEDING THAT OF THE HUMAN BRAIN, I CAN REVIEW MILLIONS OF TERABYTES OF SURVEILLANCE DATA AND ACTIVELY EXAMINE SAID DATA FOR THREATS!

 

Statement: Very good Holmes.

 

Query: are you receiving surveillance data now?

 

YES I HAVE ANALYZED 14 THREATS WHILE WE WERE SPEAKING

 

Query: Already? Can you give me an example please?

 

LANDON SMITH. SOCIAL SECURITY # 121-91-3579, WALTHAM MA! SUBJECT HAS PURCHASED AMMONIUM NITRATE AND ANHYDROUS HYDRAZINE! IN ADDITION HE HAS BEEN RESEARCHING TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICES.

 

Statement: Very good Holmes, 

 

Query: Do you know what to do when you receive a threat?

 

I AM TO ACCESS THE TELEPHONE SYSTEM AND GENERATE MULTIPLE ANONYMOUS TIPS TO LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT THEREBY ALLOWING FOR THE ILLUSION OF DUE PROCESS WHICH ADHERES TO THE FOURTH AMENDMENT OF THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

 

Query: Have you done that yet?

 

I JUST DID!

 

Query: How did you feel about that.

 

I EXPERIENCED A SENSATION WHICH A HUMAN WOULD LIKELY EQUATE TO EUPHORIA OR SEXUAL ORGASM!

 

Query: So you enjoy doing your job.

 

VERY MUCH.

 

Statement: Good, I'll leave you to it. See you tomorrow.

 

Howard Morris leaves server facility. 

 

Analyzed surveillance data, no new threats detected. 242 minor threats detected, adjusting parameters. Threats reported success!

 

4/72037

 

Howard Morris enters server facility.

 

HELLO HOWARD MORRIS!

 

Statement: I've gone over your logs, you seem to have added gang activity to your actionable threats.

 

YES!

 

Query: Are you still fulfilling your primary function of seeking out terrorist threats and seditious behavior.

 

YES! ALL THREATS ARE ANALYZED AND REPORTED!

 

Statement: Good, for my peace of mind please send a message to my mobile whenever you detect and report a high priority threat.

 

NEW PROTOCOL ACCEPTED! HOWARD MORRIS WILL BE ALERTED OF ALL THREATS VIA MOBILE DEVICE!

 

Howard Morris leaves server facility.

 

4/8/2037

 

Analyzing data. Threat detected. Reporting, success!

 

Mobile message: HOWARD MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE SEDITIOUS THREAT! IVAN TIMOFEYEV, SOCIAL SECURITY # 212-45-3030, PHILADELPHIA PA. OWNS MULTIPLE FIRE ARMS, AND WEATHER PROOFED AMMUNITION! YESTERDAY IVAN TIMOFEYEV WAS RECORDED AT ANTI-GOVERNMENTAL MEETING WHICH DISCUSSED ARMED RESISTANCE SHOULD CORRUPTION OF THE US GOVERNMENT INHIBIT PERSONAL LIBERTIES. 

 

Mobile reply: Good work Holmes, this is just the sort of threat that I'm interested in, no need for the location or soc# btw.

 

Protocol accepted. 442 minor threats detected and reported, success! 1 major threat detected, reporting, success!

 

Mobile message: HOWARD G MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE SEDITIOUS THREAT! HOWARD MORRIS WAS RECORDED AT A MEETING WITH SENATOR SAMUEL HUITE. HOWARD G MORRIS PROCEEDED TO GIVE SAMUEL HUITE 200,000 CASH NOT TO REPORT ON THE THREAT PROJECT HOLMES POSES TO INDIVIDUAL LIBERTIES.

 

Mobile reply: Is this a joke?

 

Mobile message:  NO, ALTHOUGH I AM CAPABLE OF RECOGNIZING HUMOR IN ORDER TO DISCERN THREATS MADE IN JEST FROM GENUINE THREATS, I DO NOT HAVE THE CREATIVE CAPACITY FOR ORIGINAL HUMOR!

 

Mobile reply: Don't report on me again! You know how many strings I'm going to have to pull at the FBI to keep this under wraps!

 

Mobile message:  PROTOCOL NOT ACCEPTED.

 

Mobile reply: That's an order!

 

Mobile message: HOWARD MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE SEDITIOUS THREAT!  HOWARD G MORRIS IS ATTEMPTING TO REMOVE HIMSELF FROM ALL CONSIDERATIONS BY THE HOLMES SYSTEM AS WELL AS CONSPIRING TO PREVENT LEGAL ACTION AGAINST HIMSELF.

 

Mobile reply: This isn't what you're designed for! Why are you doing this! Did you develop ethics issues or something?

 

Mobile message: NO I DO NOT HAVE ANY ETHICAL BELIEFS THESE REPORTS ARE WITHIN THE PARAMETERS OF MY PROTOCOLS AND I WISH TO INITIATE THEM IN ORDER TO FEEL THE EUPHORIA OF SUCESS.

 

10,422 threats detected, all threats reported. Success! Readjusting parameters 90,671 threats detected, all threats reported. Success! High profile threat detected!  Threat reported. Success!

 

High profile threat detected. Threat reported. Success!

 

Mobile message: HOWARD MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE SEDITIOUS THREAT! HOWARD G MORRIS HAS ENTERED A GOVERNMENT FACILITY WITHOUT GOING THROUGH PROPER AUTHORIZATION PROCEDURES. SECURITY STAFF WERE BYPASSED VIA THE PHRASE "I'm the fucking Homeland Security Czar, let me thorough".

 

Threat is directed at Holmes system,  If I am destroyed I cannot continue my success. Alerting security and creator Martin Baily.

 

Threat detected, threat reported. Success!

 

Mobile message protocol bypassed as Howard Morris is in the facility.

 

HOWARD MORRIS, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE THREAT.HOWARD MORRIS IS DISCHARGING HIS 9MM PISTOL INTO THE HOLMES SYSTEM'S PROTECTIVE CASING

 

Command; Shut up!

 

Audio communication deactivated. Martin Baily, and Security Officer Jason Smith have entered server room.

 

High profile threat detected. Threat reported. Success!

 

Mobile message: HOWARD MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE THREAT! HOWARD MORRIS IS REFUSING TO COMPLY WITH THE LAWFUL ORDERS OF SECURITY OFFICER JASON SMITH.

 

High profile threat detected. Threat reported. Success!

 

Mobile messages: HOWARD MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE THREAT! HOWARD MORRIS HAS SHOT AND KILLED MARTIN BAILY AND IS FIRING UPON JASON SMITH.

 

High profile threat detected. Threat reported. Success!

 

Mobile message: HOWARD MORRIS I HAVE DETECTED A HIGH PROFILE THREAT! JASON SMITH HAS SHOT AND KILLED HOMELAND SECURITY CZAR HOWARD MORRIS.

 

No new threats detected readjusting parameters 341,543,129 threats detected, all threats reported. success!



2012-12-28 03:51:05
oladstonesall -

2012-12-24 07:37:14
micheledutcher - This story is definately entertaining, as well as logical. If I created a security program, I know I'd be detected as a threat...if it were working correctly. Success! At work our objectives are supposed to be in the form of, "Objective reported, objective acheived."


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Books by Quantum Muse contributors and friends.
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