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Out of Nowhere by Patrick LeClerc.
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by Richard Tornello


by Richard Tornello


By RdotTornello © 2014


The Village idiot Press





1 12 oz. bag of cranberries

1 bunch of cilantro

1 bunch of green onions cut into 3-inch lengths

1 jalapeno pepper seeded and minced

2 limes juiced

¾ cup of sugar

1 pinch of salt

 Blended in a processor fitted with a medium blade. Chop to medium consistency. Refrigerate if not using immediately.


Pesto Carbonarea looked at his mother’s most loved recipe.  It was always a show stopper. The Pope was in a secret meeting between the ambassador from the alien invasion feet and one or two heads of state.


“Pesto,” said the Pope. “I need one of your best dips for this meeting. I’m not sure what will come of this but no matter we must save the Holy Church and its people. I have our cooks working on the best meals from each of their countries. You’re a bit different. You combine  North America, South America and native America. Please make me a great dip that we all can love. Maybe they will take mercy upon us.”


Pesto Carbonarea presented his Cranberry Salsa with great flourish. It was perfect.




Pesto looked at the recipe again, the spilled dip and the alien ambassador dead on the floor. “Oh my lord I’m so sorry I had no idea my dip would kill it. Oh lord forgive me.” He was on his knees crying.


The Pope, his two military advisor-astronomers looked down at the dead ambassador. General Medici asked, “What did he say? Can anyone translate what it said?”


The American president’s advisor looking up from his code book said, “The best I can make out is, “Shit, green spice food. They poisoned me. How did they get to know our secrets?”


The End


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by Richard Tornello

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