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An angel lives in my bathroom. I know that sounds a little crazy, but it is true. She is there every morning. She waked me up after my wife leaves for work while she fixes her wings in the mirror. She is so particular about those damn wings. She repositions them about thirty times and knocks everyone over in there.
I always walk in and say, “Can you keep it down?”
She giggles and says, “Keep it down? You have to get ready for work anyway, besides your wifey makes more noise than me.”
She speaks with a slight Russian accent. I know, it makes no sense at all, but there she is.
My wife doesn’t know about her, no one does. There she is though, every morning.
I will probably lose my job soon. I am late to work every morning because right when she finishes fixing those wings she steps out of the bathroom, fully nude. My eyes bug out of my head every morning. I swear she looks better every morning and then she kisses me and we make love. On the floor, on the bed, on the couch, wherever she feels like.
I once said, “Maybe I should tell my wife about you.”
She replied, “Maybe if you tell her our love with be known and you will no longer have children.”
I shrugged, “But I don’t have any children,” and that was the end of that. She is always so cryptic. She is so pretty though, like an angel.
Well today she is in there fixing her wings and I am finally going to stand up to her. I am going to tell her that I am done, I will no longer be her man-meat.
She comes out of the bathroom only this time she is no longer naked. She stops in the hall and stares through the bedroom doorway at me. Tears glisten in her eyes and she says, “Honey, I am finally pregnant.”
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