Manny And Herb Save The World
by Kori Henning

The bastard was late.

“Fuck it.” Manny removed a silver flask from the inside pocket of his duster. He unscrewed the cap and poured a healthy dollop of Kentucky’s finest into a cup half filled with cold coffee. No one could be expected to drink the shit straight. It smelled like cat piss.

Behind him, Manny heard a little girl titter. “Mommy, that man said a bad word.”

“Shh, Gabby. Mind your own business.”

“But Mommy, he said . . .”

Manny tucked his flask back into his coat and considered turning around. Maybe he’d give the family having dinner in the booth behind him a nice big grin with a side of ptomaine.

“Don’t even think about it,” Herb said from the bench across the table. Manny hadn’t seen him walk in or sit down. Probably, he hadn’t. Herb wasn’t much for the physical realms.

“You’re late.” Manny shot him a hot glare. “I’ve been sitting here for at least a goddamned hour.”

“Simmer down, Smokey. Got tied up with an earthquake.” Herb smiled. “You really should watch your mouth.”

“Blow me.” Manny took a gulp from the coffee cup. “What earthquake? Wasn’t one on the schedule.”

“Impromptu. Had to get rid of a few scientists about to stumble over something major south of Indonesia. Forgive me.”

“Forgiveness is your gig, not mine,” Manny said. “You wanna order? Couple of my boys were in here the other day and said the meatloaf was pretty decent.”

Herb rubbed the graying hair at his temples and sighed. “You know I’m vegetarian.”

Manny snickered. “Yeah, ever since that Mad Cow shit. Lucian’s a genius. I gave him a promotion.”

“That’s swell, Manny.” Herb dropped his hands from his temples and folded them on the table. “Listen, I’ve got a couple billion voices buzzing in my head and half a million miracles to perform before ten. You think maybe we could hurry it up?”

“Been busy, hasn’t it?” Manny felt an increasingly familiar flash of camaraderie. “I’ll tell ya Herb, my ass has been draggin’. My people are swamped. The balance is out of whack, and we can’t keep up with the shift.”

Herb nodded, his blue eyes flicking to the Formica. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed. I know it’s been twice as hectic for you.”

“Aww, don’t beat yourself up, Big Guy. It’s Technology. We made them too damn smart. I mean, digital cable . . .hell, no one could compete with that. Not even me. I’m just busier by default.”

“Thanks,” Herb said. “Not that I feel any better, but thanks for the attempt.”

Manny snorted, and took another swallow from the cup. After taking a moment to savor the burn, he asked, “You’ve had enough time to hash over my plan?”

“Yeah.”

“We halve their numbers. Cripple the bullshit. Give them some serious food for thought. What do you think?”

Herb leaned forward. Concern wrinkled his forehead. “This pandemic. . . you realize you’re talking about three billion deaths here. The survivors, they’re going to flock to my side and they’re going to pull the balance with them.”

“Bonus for you. You’ll have to take a well-deserved vacation while the E team tugs the line back to center. I figure it’ll take fifty years. A century at most.”

Herb sighed. “It’s risky.” Slumping back against the padded bench, he drummed his fingers against the tabletop. “But the way things are going, we’re talking total implosion. We’d have to wipe it all clean and start over.”

Manny nodded. “That’s what my boys say, too.”

“When and where?”

“How does here and now work for you?”

Herb slid out of the booth, stood, and straightened his coat. “As it has been spoken, so it shall be done,” he said, doing his best imitation of a pompous ass. Smirking, Manny shook his head and drained the coffee cup. God. What a drama queen.

When he looked up again, Herb was gone.

Behind him, Manny heard the tattletale whining for ice cream. Turning, he watched Mommy shake her head and point at the little girl’s almost untouched plate.

She was a pretty thing. Long red curls and big green eyes that lit with mischief when she saw him looking. Manny waved at her, and gave her a wide smile.

Hesitating for only a moment, she returned his grin. Then, she covered her small mouth and coughed.

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