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The Brief History of Time Travel The Brief History of Time Travel When time travel finally happened, it wasn’t the way anyone expected. For the last century or so we’d been looking to science for a way to travel through time. Bigger and more powerful machines were constructed, black holes and wormholes were investigated, theories advanced, experiments offered— nothing worked. Man, it appeared, was locked into the present moment and nothing was going to change that. Physicists, it turned out, were barking up the wrong tree, literally. Tempura prices soar Rare tree threatened Time travel imperiled The headlines screamed for action but there were no good options. There was simply nothing anyone could do. The rare oil could not be synthesized and all attempts to graft or otherwise cultivate the rarest tree in the world had failed. The tree, a sterile loner in a tropical forest of almost infinite abundance, could not bear viable fruit. Many scientists felt that all time travel research must be halted until the oil can be refined and its embarrassing side effects controlled. The Tunichesdo are not a particularly colorful or even friendly people. Small, some say dwarfish of stature, their one claim to anthropological fame besides their completely irascible nature is the cultivation of the world’s only known Yarumba tree (Calinikus Altimis). It is from the bark of this tree that the tribe extracts an oil used primarily to propitiate their Swine God, Yurecch, in a month long orgy of staggering promiscuity. The juice is used primarily as a hallucinogenic aphrodisiac and sexual lubricant by the savages. Whether the Tunichesdo take advantage of the oil’s time dilating properties is not known. What is certain is that the oil distilled from the Yarumba tree’s bark has a profound effect on human physiology. These effects include a nearly uncontrollable sexual arousal, intense hallucinations and the ability to easily slip through time and space . Any one of these properties would have been enough to have caught the interest of big pharma but, when actual scientific trials began, the results were horrifying. Scientists were accused of sending sex crazed predators into both the past and future wreaking havoc on the innocent denizens of both worlds. Those few time travelers who managed to survive the trip and return to the present told of narrow escapes from outraged mobs and other nightmarish scenarios. The result has been an ethics scandal unprecedented in modern history. Some of the properties of this unique oil are only just beginning to be studied by modern science. One of the oil’s totally novel components (known as Temp-021) can be distilled and concentrated into Tempura, the world’s only known Time Travel inducing drug. The three in one nature of Tempura make it the planet’s most sought after recreational drug. Unfortunately, its sexual, temporal and hallucinogenic properties cannot be separated. While it is true that the user can freely travel through time, it is risky and filled with unknown and embarrassing side effects. To make matters worse, poachers have stripped so much bark from the tree that it’s very survival is in question. The Peruvian government has mounted a contingent of armed guards to protect the sacred tree but experts fear the damage is irreversible. Unless Temp-021 can be synthesized in the next few months or the Yarumba tree can be cloned, time travel will be at an end.
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